I NIDDA CHILL PILL

My heart is beating faster day by day especially since exams are next week. + dramas and stories are making me CRAZYYYY

I know i should refrain myself from enjoying but, i cant study at all without it. 

Today I had 6 quizzes. 1 fail though. SUCH A BUMMER. The stupid thing was I don't remember anything from what I've studied from the past few days. I swear my brain is crazy. So all the way, I guessed my answers and YAY I passed 5 of them. Good for me. But if this happens next week, I have to say goodbye to next semester i guess? Forwarding my modules will ruin my schedule for the whole semester. Not much free time anymore. It's total hell!!!!

I just hoped I can pass all my modules and graduate on time. So I can start on my future plans. To take gap year and take self-enriching courses and get a real job. Going to uni only if I have a course in mind.

Good luck to me I guess...

Mental Block, STM and what else ?

SO.......

I said I was going to post my photos from my birthday, but it seems I didn't post any ?

Looking at the date, now is already the 11th day of August. DAMN, WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING SINCE 19TH OF JULY ? I CAN'T REMEMBER EITHER.

So, the main topic today is my current state. So my exams is round the corner. We have lab tests and quizzes before the main event. The first ever lab test, I almost flunk it. I EXPERIENCED MENTAL BLOCK. I couldn't remember a single thing. I thought I could at least remember something if I waited for around 10 minutes, BUT NOTHING. The good thing was the lab technician helped me with the machines. AND not forgetting my awesome teacher for being lenient with me and not failing me. I just hope tomorrow won't be the same case. I worked hard on it not to see myself flunk. I swear I almost cried when the time was over and I was the last one in the lab still doing my task. It was vexing and humiliating.

My memory has always been good in the past. Coming to a new stage in my education life and meeting new bunches of strange people, I realised I have changed a lot. I talk more, even when I don't like associating myself with strangers. (They creep me out tbh.) I was always the kind of girl who analyses others and not be the first one to talk unless I'm being talked to. I cannot stop blabbering nonsense nowadays. I am getting creeped out at myself. SOMEONE HELP ME. I miss the old me. The me who cares nothing about the world and just go along with the flow. I think I am getting scared to grow up. I don't want to be an adult. I will have a lot on my shoulders. I don't dare to take this job.

OOPSIES, got a little sidetrack. I was supposed to talk about my memory. Well, nowadays I am suffering from STM. I forgot a lot of things that just happened and I will repeat the same things again. I feel like I'm getting dementia. AHHAHA JK.

So, I had suspicions on my health but I don't really want to go check it. It feels scary if you were to know your life had a preset dateline. TAT SUX. I've been losing appetite. I usually can eat a lot but I feel like vomiting it out after eating half of my food. My body is getting weird nowadays too. Maybe I should be checked soon. Who knows I got some heart or lung disease? Prevention is easier right? But if a patient is diagnosed with a disease, how is prevention easier? The disease isn't prevented LOL. Cure is expensive too, not everyone can manage with the bills. Thats why in dramas, the main lead always wants to die rather than being a burden to others. It's just easier that way.

Well, good luck to my exams and I pray for my health.