So I've spammed both my insta account to upload my oppa's photos (it will never be enough). I tried to control my main account but on my other account, I was determined to follow my insta theme.
I've decided few days ago to start doing this insta theme. I know it's already out of trend but I like doing things that's out of trend idky.
So basically, I'm going to follow the colours of the rainbow then to monochrome. Each colour will consist of 9 pictures mainly consisting of that particular colours. And then when I'm bored I will continue to the pastel colours?
The main thing is I want to feel involve in my life :\ I always wonder why I'm alive. It feels weird though to have a soul and feeling things. I'm always thinking whether I'm really alive or maybe I'm a boring character from somewhere.
On the bright side, today is a happy day. I just realised my bias share his birthday with a lot of other famous people like silverlight Eunkwang and some dude from MonstaX. It feels weird though to share a birthday but it's cool at the same time.
I used to go crazy and wanting to know people born on the exact same day and year with me. Well, now i know two of them and let's just say we are not what I imagined us. I always thought my birthday twinnie will be my long lost twin LOL. Much imagination I know.
I still believed I'm age-ing backwards. It's like I'm trying so hard to relive my childhood as I was sort of childhood deprived. I don't have many good memories. I always wanted to have a birthday party but never actually had it. I really really wanted my own cake but it was always shared with my two other sisters. To make it worse, I had to wait for my cake 2-3 months later. I was always sad on my birthday itself cos no one ever celebrates it with me. I hardly get wishes even. Heck, I don't even think my parents know my birthdate anymore.
I think that's how I ended up getting angry at my best friend for not getting me a gift. I was angry cos I prepared things for them that year and I wanted someone to remember my birth so much I gone bonkers.
I never really apologise though or explain why I reacted so big but no matter how tough I looked, I don't have the guts. I was always strong on the outside and weak on the inside, maybe that's why some people stepped on me.
I tried letting it go and make myself believe my birthday is just another day but trust me, it didn't work. I was forced to put on a happy facade when I'm actually not. I'm birthday deprived and I don't think it will disappear.
Well for now, think happy thoughts and let's have a moment to see how cool my oppa is. He is after all my 야생눈매 천사 오빠~~~ <3 (≧3≦)
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