Karma Strikes Me

So insomnia is not only a curse but also a misfortune.

I got grouped by two unknown people in my class. Seriously who are they? I don't think I ever heard their names before. ARGH I can see my project failing. DAYUM

My future is bleak; I can't see my future. My so called "clique" decided to leave me alone with 2 jokers. IDW do this project alone!!!!!!!!!

Karma is such a bitch...

INSOMNIA + MISSING CLASSES

It sucks wanting to have an early night but after 2 hours on the bed, I'm still awake. :[

So because of that, I didn't manage to wake up on time for school and I'm missing all my classes. I'm screwed, this can't be happening. My attendance is running low. ARGHHHHHHH I HATE INSOMNIA!!!

The stupid thing is I'm waking up at the time when my classes are over; let's face it, I won't make it to school on time for my classes. So practically, every week, I'm only going to school like 2-3 days :\

To make it worse, I don't know how to face my FYP group mate. He is doing everything to salvage our project and I'm not helping. I'm like a lost sheep now.

I should at least do the report since that is my niche. ARGH project piling up, exams are nearing and my project due date is creeping me. I feel like I'm buried under all these stress.

I'm desperate. TATSUKETEKUDASAI!!

Happy Dongwoo Day

As the name suggests, today is Happy Dongwoo Day. It's my bias oppa birthday!! YAY!! ＼(^o^)／

So I've spammed both my insta account to upload my oppa's photos (it will never be enough). I tried to control my main account but on my other account, I was determined to follow my insta theme.

I've decided few days ago to start doing this insta theme. I know it's already out of trend but I like doing things that's out of trend idky.

So basically, I'm going to follow the colours of the rainbow then to monochrome. Each colour will consist of 9 pictures mainly consisting of that particular colours. And then when I'm bored I will continue to the pastel colours?

The main thing is I want to feel involve in my life :\ I always wonder why I'm alive. It feels weird though to have a soul and feeling things. I'm always thinking whether I'm really alive or maybe I'm a boring character from somewhere.

On the bright side, today is a happy day. I just realised my bias share his birthday with a lot of other famous people like silverlight Eunkwang and some dude from MonstaX. It feels weird though to share a birthday but it's cool at the same time.

I used to go crazy and wanting to know people born on the exact same day and year with me. Well, now i know two of them and let's just say we are not what I imagined us. I always thought my birthday twinnie will be my long lost twin LOL. Much imagination I know.

I still believed I'm age-ing backwards. It's like I'm trying so hard to relive my childhood as I was sort of childhood deprived. I don't have many good memories. I always wanted to have a birthday party but never actually had it. I really really wanted my own cake but it was always shared with my two other sisters. To make it worse, I had to wait for my cake 2-3 months later. I was always sad on my birthday itself cos no one ever celebrates it with me. I hardly get wishes even. Heck, I don't even think my parents know my birthdate anymore.

I think that's how I ended up getting angry at my best friend for not getting me a gift. I was angry cos I prepared things for them that year and I wanted someone to remember my birth so much I gone bonkers.

I never really apologise though or explain why I reacted so big but no matter how tough I looked, I don't have the guts. I was always strong on the outside and weak on the inside, maybe that's why some people stepped on me.

I tried letting it go and make myself believe my birthday is just another day but trust me, it didn't work. I was forced to put on a happy facade when I'm actually not. I'm birthday deprived and I don't think it will disappear.

Well for now, think happy thoughts and let's have a moment to see how cool my oppa is. He is after all my 야생눈매 천사 오빠~~~ <3 (≧3≦)

My Life At Wattpad // Short Update

Wattpad has many stories written by hobbyist. To be honest, most stories that I've read - the plot is there but my eyes hurt from too much grammatical errors. I MEAN SERIOUSLY PEOPLE, TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR WORK. I can forgive you for the grammar but at least fix the spellings. GOD, please spare me.

Well, anyways I wanted to try out writing fantasy like my friend suggested. She thinks I have a wild imagination LOL. So what better way to try this genre than do a fanfic? However, halfway writing out the different chapters, I got stuck. I don't know how to continue. So now I have 4 incomplete chapters. DAYUM

My main story at wattpad also have a pending half chapter that is waiting for me to continue it. I might be having writer's block? It's like I have the ideas flowing in me, but I don't know how to put it into words. And the ones I typed doesn't seem to impress me.

HELP ME!! TATSUKETEKUDASAI!! > <

Out Of Trend

So I found out about Midnight Red while I was listening to Taylor Swift songs that I liked. And then I found out that they disbanded??!! I mean what's with me and noticing people when they are not together anymore or when they disband a few years later?


First off, I noticed the Taiwanese band, Fahrenheit aka fei lun hai. 1-2 years later, I saw on the newspaper that they disbanded. I was like WHATT??!! Like finally I have some idol chasing to do and then I lost my job. PFFT, life sux.

And then I started liking a lot other singers and bands, let's just say it didn't end up well.So, I had a crush on KPOP idols in 2014 namely my beloved oppas - INFINITE!!!!! I wished I knew them 4 years ago when they debuted though. I feel so bad for catching up with them 4 years later. HAIZZZZZ. Now I'm feeling a bit on edge. I prayed hard I won't be a curse for them. My past experiences didn't end up well.

INFINITE has a sister group that I have been following since 3 of them did their solo debut. 3 of them and 5 others come together to form - Lovelyz. This group is underrated but I like their vocals very much especially Kei, Baby Soul and JIN. I feel sad for them though since they debuted with a common theme like other girl groups which is the school concept. Plus, they always have the cliche girly songs. But I swear they can achieve more with charismatic themes. Mijoo will totally rock the stage man since she is like Hoya's counterpart in Lovelyz. HAHA.

I come across BTS + GOT7's Mark and Lovelyz pairing. It was weird. I mean I thought Lovelyz was unnoticed. And to see these ships with the 2 rising groups, it was bizarre. LIKE WUT.

So the pairing goes like this:

Jungkook - Yein
Jin -JIN
V - Sujeong
Jimin - Kei
Suga - Jiae
J-hope - Jisoo
RapMon - Baby Soul
Mark - Mijoo

The pairing varies with the different Banglyz shippers but main thing is who cares HAHAHAHAH.

It's not like it's gonna be real also. They still have INFINITE oppas to go through first cos family first??? LOL I read too much fanfics that I think I'm going crazy. Too much werewolves stories can kill you in the brain HAHAHHAHAHAH ><

So as the title of this post suggest, I'm out of trend. I'm always doing things that people already done it or I did it before others. I'm not following the trend basically which is good in a way since I hate looking the same like others. So I unintentionally had green streaks of hair tsk. And then I realised a lot people around me have green hair. Well that just sucks, now I look like the rest. HAIZ.I might be still out of trend after today. :\

Embarking My Journey to Virtual World~

So, I was reading a book on Wattpad and suddenly thought to googled "pen pal". I clicked on the first link and immediately created an account to find a pen pal. I know, crazy right? I'm not usually this impulsive and rash but maybe this side of me has always been inside me. Now, I'm being weird. (I spelled werid twice before getting weird right like wut ==)

Anywho, two guys emailed me after seeing my profile. I would say I'm a little scared to embark on this journey but decided to give it a shot. After searching through like thousands of profiles, I made a girl friend, someone from United States. We only exchanged emails once. I found out she lives in Tennessee. It seems cool after she described what it's like. I only knew Hannah Montana was from Tennessee HAHA. My knowledge of the world is really that dense. OOPS

Well, I found out our time zone might be a bit hard to cope with. I think we would be miss each other's emails every now and then. I would reply her when she is asleep and I would receive hers when I'm asleep. It's kind of a bummer actually to wait for a reply. But hey, at least now I can look forward to the next day since I now have emails waiting for me to be read. I'm so excited! Never have I been excited to read emails since I always get spams TSK.

So, it is awkward emailing the two guys since they are older than me. I find myself a bit immature and find it a bit hard to catch up with them. So, I've been searching up on people the same age as me. I tried finding one from my own country but apparently not a lot of my age uses this thing. I think people think pen pal doesn't exist anymore. I would love to do snail mails; I think it's cute and romantic HAHA.

I sure hope this pen pal thing will last for a very long time. It definitely made me feel happy to know that somewhere out there, there is someone rooting for me and they do not need to know me physically. I don't think I will be able to survive well in real life. HAHA.

Nightmare Dressed Like A Daydream

I've been having nightmares these past few days. Woke up every single day feeling shitty; not like it's anything new but it's sort of disturbing.

If my life was a drama, I would have woken up screaming but sadly it isn't. I woke up feeling sad every day to the point that I don't feel like waking up. My subconscious is playing with me but it ain't funny. Maybe I've been too stressed lately hence, the nightmares.

I've been thinking a lot about my past; having friends who betrayed me for god knows why. I seemed to forever be the victim. It seems like a curse since everywhere I go, it will happen. I'm a walking disaster. I shouldn't have survived this far so I wouldn't feel this broken.

This broken feeling is messing with me, my body and my mind. I want this to stop but I have no control over it. It isn't up to me to have known these types of acquaintance. I guess it's fate and it is a learning experience for me to figure out who is real and who isn't.

It kind of sux though to be wary of others. I just want everyone to be friends. It's a simple wish but it is difficult to come true.

I feel guilty to even say that my longest friendship with anyone is around 5 years. I feel like a loser now. Almost everyone have friends they knew since childhood but I have none. It was my wish to have a childhood friend that I am still close with but sadly I don't. Life isn't a drama. :\

I spend most of my life watching and reading drama and wishing I was part of it. I want to be noticed in a good way, be popular and what not but as much as I want my life to be a drama, it's creepy.

I have daydreams about meeting my prince charming (way before I was obsessed with Shrek), but when I was confessed to, it turns out creepy af. I don't even know what to do. I never gave them a chance and reject them straight in the face (maybe indirectly). I feel like the bitch in all drama shows... 

Maybe cos of this, I'm bound to be single for life? YAY I definitely do not want to burden anyone with myself and my family situation. It would be embarrassing. I think God hates me if not I wouldn't be feeling like crap ever since I was conscious.

Hopefully after today I won't have much nightmares. I will never know for sure if it will ever end. :\ To more days experiencing nightmares dressed like a daydream. YAY ==