Still the old me trying to be a new me

Everything is a lie. I thought I somewhat have friends in my school. But turns out, they turned their backs on me. WE were supposed to go to the event together but they decided to ditch me. OMG. I don't know what is real or fake now.

School just started 2 weeks ago. It's only the third week and my homework is piling up. The lecturers isn't going to cut some slack. I have tons of questions on my head on how to solve the maths problems. I HATE MATHS! I can never get why the hell we need to learn Maths. Haizzzz.

Anyways, I think I should stop going to my part time job and to my extra curricular activities. I have no time as a senior. I need to pull up my grades to be able to graduate like my classmates. I don't want to be left alone on the shelf. (Not about r/s though) ARGGHHH but I need money :(

My fake friends in school that I hang out with everyday don't even care about one another like real friends should do. We just sort of help one another for school work. That's all. I bet we wouldn't even meet in the future for a cup of tea. :\ I miss my old friends. If only I had went to the same school and took the same major. Perhaps, I would have enjoyed more than I do now.

Speaking of old friends, I have one very desperate friend who keeps on wanting to meet me and my other friend on a regular basis. He's my friend all right but believe me, it can't work well if I took time off to always meet up. I need space to juggle between my school work and friends. Apparently friends is like about 10% of my time now. Maybe this is why I don't really have friends at school now?

I wished I was popular so I can like stand out and wouldn't be judged (in a bad way) for my brightly coloured outfit. I mean, people don't really appreciate me wearing bright colours or even those "pajamas-looking" pants that I used to wear when I was still a freshman. I actually kind of miss those pants. I feel really connected to it but people thinks that I looked funny and that I have no fashion sense. Haizz.

I totally abandoned those pants when I was in sophomore year. I wore alot of tshirts with jeans and couldn't be bothered to put on makeup. My senior year was kind of the same. I didn't have time in the holidays to get a fashion change and plus, I had the same classmates and couldn't bear to face their judgement eyes if I were to change my image. Heh.

I need a fashion change :( but I think I should lose weight first to be able to save on the money not buying a lot of clothes and can't fit in it anymore. I was thinking to go to some gym session or maybe go to a martial arts class. Hmmmm.... I'm new to this. It's been ages since I actually will sweat a lot since I always went swimming to exercise. Maybe I will take some dance lessons? Who knows...

GRRRR

Senior. 2 years has passed since entering a new stage of my life. I am now going through the final year in my school life and I still cannot believe it. It feels so fast! Maybe it's because I am usually preoccupied with my CCA and stuff most of the time. Hmmm...

I'm still thinking if I should go to university. I mean, everyone has been thinking of it since first year but I am still unsure of what I should do in the future. Should I be an engineer? Hell no if you ask me cos my maths ain't that good :/ Engineering kills me everyday ARGHHHH If only my O Levels grades were better PFFT

Anyways, my GPA isn't going so well and I doubt I can find a 'shortcut' to change my field of study. I need a miracle, BADLY!! (The only miracle I need is maybe for me to study hard.)

I think I'm crazy - I joined a new CCA. :O Man, people are rushing their GPA, but I am still idling my way through school. What is wrong with me? OMG I think I need a psychiatrist LOL. Nah,
I hate talking to strangers about my private life HAHAHA.

I have no friends in school. Friends, in my dictionary means, people who you can get chummy and crazy with no matter what. School sux and to add to it, I have classmates that either linger their way to get As or back stab other classmates. :\ I hate my class. I don't enjoy going to school. There is no hype in preparing to go to school everyday. I think this results in me skipping classes all day. OOPS.

I think maybe as life goes on and everyone gets older, the world becomes harsher. The cold hard truth about reality gets smacked into your face without warning. Haizzz, I don't want to grow up. :( No matter how I resist, I cannot deny the fact that the world is indeed going into full speed and I really need to catch up and get used to it. All the best to me and to the new world! :) CHEERS!