19 Years of Life

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!! YAY, I'M FINALLY 19.

Birthdays used to be the thing I looked forward to each year (mostly cos no one celebrates it with me). Well, this year marks the 3rd time I actually celebrate the day of my birth. Mostly cos I usually forced people to celebrate it with me. IDK why I will feel very sad if nothing BIG happens on my birthday. It's just weird. Although I don't really like all the attention, I don't want to be alone on my special day. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself it's just another day, I can't help it. :\

I've been thinking a lot what I want to accomplish this year andddddd I honestly don't know. My bucket list has been the same since I was still in my early teens and I still haven't accomplish it since well, it's sort of a future thing that can't happen now. OOPS.

Few weeks ago, I wrote in my diary that I wished to find myself and want to have my talent. It's a childish thing tbh HAHHA but wateffs. I seriously don't know what I will wish for.

For starters, there are a few things I want to do someday in my life. The list can go on forever...

1. Bungee Jumping (I know this is cliche but oh well; I got fear of height actually but I love the thrill xp stress relief HAHAHA)
2. Get my first brand new guitar (1 is coming my way MUAHHAHAHAH)
3. Learn guitar from a pro (when i haz the moneh :o)
4. Be famous someday in wattpad (hey, it's not wrong to dream aite? LOL)
5. Learn english songs so can do cover wif ma guitar (well, maybe I will just use KPOP if im bored wif english)
6. Actually learn how to cook (the only perfect thing I legit know is instant noodles HAIZZZ)
7. Take baking classes (cos why not?)
8. Create my own recipe (i wan originality)
9. Open a family shop (income for the future babeh)
10. Have a BIG house (i love space)
11. Have a driving license (maybe motorcycle cos cars nt rly my thing, i get stuffy)
12. Fix my fear of height (I still cant cross a bridge without having the jitters :x)
13. Control my cravings for food (i feel like im pregnant)
14. Self DIY my clothes (i wanna be different)
15. Have things to do with clique other than movies all the time (i enjoy movies but nt with them since it's too often)
16. Have a cool waterproof camera (maybe i get instax or the photo printer as well?)
17. Own all monster high merchandise esp the NINTENDO 3DS GAMES (I'M SO GONNA GET THIS SOON)
18. Get loads of preetz stationeries so I can nvr be sick of it and run of it like EVER (+ i love stationeries)
19. Last but not least, wish for more happy days in my life

Wellllllll, that concludes my wish list for now which is super cliche BUT I love cliche. I also like childish things cos I am like that. Whoever not happy can get out of my life yeah. I'm not stopping you to be in my life :)

PS. There might be technical difficulties later today or tomorrow due to me uploading my daily moments of nonsense.

PPS. My daily nonsense is still bearable but today's nonsense exceed the maximum level of nonsense.

PPPS. I will never bring nonsense out of my life :D

Short Post to Update :)

I think something is wrong with me. Well, first thing would be I'm losing my appetite. I NEVER lost my appetite! I always have a HUGE appetite cos well, I love food. I can never separate myself from food like ever.

Enough about food, I am also feeling more lethargic with the life I'm living in now. It is very tiring and I am not enjoying it especially my school life, aside from the crazy antics when I'm with people I really like and are comfortable with. I feel like I am lying to myself a lot lately. I do not like the me now. I want a new me. A me that is braver to achieve her dream and not the cowardly me who is studying something to earn a stable income in the future.

I don't ever want to end my school life actually. I know I'm destined to take the burden of supporting the family once I started working. This actually meant that I cannot be who I want to be. I have to slog myself out to earn more money to be able to have some for myself at the end of the day.

Well that aside, I found my hidden talent. I can write poems. I mean everyone cans but words seemed to flow out the moment i write a line. It feels incredible. For once, I don't feel awkward doing something. The content for now is a bit cliche though. But I love cliche, it's like the best thing ever. However, I think I need to think broader? Look forward to see the new me at wattpad :D

Wow I never thought my country has so many beautiful places. I think I really should explore one day. Been living in a hole for 18 years+ (going 19 in 3 days). Damn. The funny thing was I only found out I lived in an unlucky level when I was 18. Unlucky 13 floor HAHAHAH. I don't necessarily feel unlucky though so I think it's still ok.

School has been shitty. I feel like quitting actually, ever since I was in year 1. I thought it wasn't meant for me. But quitting means, I have to abandon everything in that school, even my CCA mates. I don't want that to happen. I value relationships more than anything. I think I'm stupid for not being ambitious, I mean, I'm not even future-oriented for my life. I just want a simple life but the world is stopping me. Change is for the better but what if I don't want to change?