Memory

Memory is something remembered from the past. It is therefore a precious thing. To contain a memory of someone or something from the past and be able to retain it is a gift. Some suffer from amnesia and therefore, do not get to enjoy the gift. Those who still has their memory intact though, some tend to use it to an advantage or sometimes not appreciating it.

I personally belong to the group that don't appreciate certain memories that I still retained in my mind. However, those that I want to remember are those that I forgot. Often, I wished my memory capacity wouldn't play such a joke on me. It's cruel to remember things I don't want to and forgetting those memories which are so valuable to me. Things that happened just five minutes ago, I can't seem to remember it well. Sometimes, I even forget those memorable experiences I had in the past. Today, an acquaintance from the past said hi to me but I failed to recognise instantly who he was. It was sad since I am now forgetting people I've met and interacted with.

Maybe this is karma since I always wished I had amnesia so I can forget all those painful memories. Nowadays, instead of burying them inside somewhere, they seemed to be popping out one by one. I even had a vivid nightmare about one of it. It was horrible since I was like practically experiencing it all over again.

If I were granted a wish to remember something in the past, I would want to remember all the good times I had with my muzk3t33rz (i forgot the stylized name and where my badge is, ohwell). Seriously, I was able to reminisce a lot about the past last time, but now, I can barely remember anything other than vague facts.

Sometimes I think having amnesia is a gift instead since one is granted the chance to create a new life. The past live isn't that important anymore in this case. People keep saying that the past doesn't matter since we are living in the present but it is hard to act that way. I keep thinking about the past and can't seem to move on even though I have the mindset to do so. It's depressing and at the same time it is causing me to crumble bit by bit. Being hung up by the past isn't something you want to experience. So, how does one move on? I thought it would be easier to just forget everything and bury them somewhere but it seemed to only be taunting me.

I think I need help but at the same time it's weird getting help from people, especially strangers. Why would strangers care about your baggage? It's just too much. I just thought (still think) that keeping everything inside me and tackling everything by myself is all that it takes. I shouldn't burden anyone, not last time, today or ever.