Book Review 1 - The Weight of Water by Sarah Crossan

So to stick to my resolution of writing book reviews, I will include the ones I had written with a few more details. Also, I will add in the book synopsis that is written by the author at the top of my reviews.

∞The Weight of Water by Sarah Crossan∞

❄Armed with a suitcase and an old laundry bag, Kasienka and her mother head for England. Life is lonely for Kasienka. At home her mother's heart is breaking; at school friends are scarce. But when someone special swims into her life, Kasienka learns that there might be more than one way for her to stay afloat.❄

~The book started with the journey from Poland to England. It went on to how the main character adjusts and settles herself in the new environment. Upon reading, a question is sparked - Why are they going to England? Many would have thought that Kasienka (Cassie) is on a vacation but later on it was revealed to be something else.

As a foreigner, Cassie experiences strange things that are hard to explain, especially to a growing child. Children tend to be curious all the time and the moving is certainly not helping Cassie to get her answers. The way Cassie was describing everything that she experienced is written in simplicity which is showing her way of thinking. She has a simple mind and that brings about why there are so many questionable things.

The book tells the story in a very unique way. In addition, as compared to other books, the words are written in poem form and there is almost a chapter in every page. In a way, the words expresses the character's feelings at the moment and is able to grasp the reader's attention more easily.

The book teaches one, especially those who had bad experience(s), to look brighter and learn that there is always light amidst the dark. One has to be positive to be able to tackle a problem.

 This book is also nonetheless a good book and is recommended especially to those growing teenagers and those who loves reading.

                                                                                                                       ~13 January 2016

Resolution

I've read a few books but never actually did a proper book review. So, I've decided to do them from now onwards. I actually did it on my old wattpad account which includes drama/movie/show review. I had done 3 book reviews, a handwritten version. I will include them all in this blog with a few more details.

I am so gonna read more books in the near future. I am thinking to read those classics and learn a bit more on literature. Maybe, in the future I can take some courses to learn literature better since it seems fun.

The Long Awaited Update; Regrets

WOW, it's been like 2 months since I updated my blog !!! OMG, I need to up my game man. This blog thing is supposed to be like a substitute diary since I was lazy to write sometimes. The main reason was I didn't want people to invade my personal life. I mean diary is meant to be a secret i guess? Well, I sort of can't risk people looking through my stuff. Even if I create a made up language, I'm the type to put the legend in the diary itself. Dumb; i know. ._.

Well, I sort of did badly in my exams. I kind of expected it but was a bit shocked since I got mainly Cs and Ds. Sighhhhh. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED MAN?! The good thing is I do not need to remodule and can continue the last semester of my school life.

I actually had thoughts of changing course since year 1 but I did not want to create trouble for everyone. The first would be the admission procedures, such a burden. I also did not wish to abandon my cca which is Red Cross. I sort of found myself a place at school; I could not bear giving it up just like that. Class time was super boring since I didn't have best friends with me. I made new friends though but it seems we do not click. That is why I really loved going to my cca activities every time.

Year 1 was a breeze. Friends come and go. I got stuck with people I hate since year 1 as my classmate in year 2. Seriously though, I really wanted to quit my course but at this point, I was too late as I already indulged myself as one of the executive members in my cca. I know that I'm dumb for going a very long way in life but I still went on with it.

Around the end of year 2, we had to choose our group mates for the final year project. I was desperately looking for people who wouldn't mind me in the team as I was a very slow learner. People used to judge me a lot for being stupid at theory. I mean, I am super weak at physics and I can never understand this subject. I had to learn the hard way to accept science as it is and don't question it but at the end of the day, I learnt nothing and I seemed even more lost.

I knew I was too late at this point to even think of changing my course of life. So, I decided to go on with it and at least graduate with a diploma. I feel very bad for my final year project partner though cos I was the dumb one and I was always a burden. I cannot help in any way. I've been feeling that even our supervisor is speechless with me. He already hates me. I hate myself too. :\

Well, my goal for now is to graduate and at least get a passing grade for my final year project. I just hoped I wouldn't be so stupid as to follow the pressures set by my family situation and could not live my own life the way I want it.

I want to follow my dream. But dreams are expensive. Poor people can't afford it. Disappointment only comes its way.

So, I've been thinking; I should take a gap year around 2 to 4 years. I will save around $1000 per month and then take part time courses in food and beverage field, get a house, renovate the house and live a simple life. The road will be tough as I need to support around 3 more mouths. Seriously, my mother isn't helping since she has very high demands for my money when she herself isn't even helping me in any way. BITCH, she doesn't even know when I'm born or how old I am this year. What kind of mother is she?

I might be suffering from depression and anxiety since primary 6 though. The infamous bullying at age 12. I don't really remember what caused this but I was in shock. I realised now that my stress from that point of time caused me to eat a lot, LIKE REALLY A LOT. I would be stuffing myself with food almost every minute of the day. I didn't know what I was doing though. Maybe I thought by stuffing myself, I won't feel the pain. Well, at least I don't have scars to hide. It's a good thing I didn't resolve to cutting. I was very scared of pain, you see. So now, I have like 10kg of fat in me, it's still growing I think cos I'm getting stress everyday.

No one is helping me and no one can help me. Maybe this is why I always read or watch all those tragic stories so at least I won't feel alone. I have other (fictional) people to help me go through with it. I don't believe a counsellor can help me. I hated strangers the most. They scare me.

I think I've hidden up the real me pretty well. I've been showing people my fake side. Laughing all the time and then I feel all alone when I'm home. I have a very sad life, yeap i know. Life still goes on though. If you are stuck in your past, time won't wait for you. You will still grow; grow older everyday. You just have to go on with life no matter what. Life experiences made you realised the cold hard truth. It just sucks things have to be like this. Who ever said life was perfect?

I NIDDA CHILL PILL

My heart is beating faster day by day especially since exams are next week. + dramas and stories are making me CRAZYYYY

I know i should refrain myself from enjoying but, i cant study at all without it. 

Today I had 6 quizzes. 1 fail though. SUCH A BUMMER. The stupid thing was I don't remember anything from what I've studied from the past few days. I swear my brain is crazy. So all the way, I guessed my answers and YAY I passed 5 of them. Good for me. But if this happens next week, I have to say goodbye to next semester i guess? Forwarding my modules will ruin my schedule for the whole semester. Not much free time anymore. It's total hell!!!!

I just hoped I can pass all my modules and graduate on time. So I can start on my future plans. To take gap year and take self-enriching courses and get a real job. Going to uni only if I have a course in mind.

Good luck to me I guess...

Mental Block, STM and what else ?

SO.......

I said I was going to post my photos from my birthday, but it seems I didn't post any ?

Looking at the date, now is already the 11th day of August. DAMN, WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING SINCE 19TH OF JULY ? I CAN'T REMEMBER EITHER.

So, the main topic today is my current state. So my exams is round the corner. We have lab tests and quizzes before the main event. The first ever lab test, I almost flunk it. I EXPERIENCED MENTAL BLOCK. I couldn't remember a single thing. I thought I could at least remember something if I waited for around 10 minutes, BUT NOTHING. The good thing was the lab technician helped me with the machines. AND not forgetting my awesome teacher for being lenient with me and not failing me. I just hope tomorrow won't be the same case. I worked hard on it not to see myself flunk. I swear I almost cried when the time was over and I was the last one in the lab still doing my task. It was vexing and humiliating.

My memory has always been good in the past. Coming to a new stage in my education life and meeting new bunches of strange people, I realised I have changed a lot. I talk more, even when I don't like associating myself with strangers. (They creep me out tbh.) I was always the kind of girl who analyses others and not be the first one to talk unless I'm being talked to. I cannot stop blabbering nonsense nowadays. I am getting creeped out at myself. SOMEONE HELP ME. I miss the old me. The me who cares nothing about the world and just go along with the flow. I think I am getting scared to grow up. I don't want to be an adult. I will have a lot on my shoulders. I don't dare to take this job.

OOPSIES, got a little sidetrack. I was supposed to talk about my memory. Well, nowadays I am suffering from STM. I forgot a lot of things that just happened and I will repeat the same things again. I feel like I'm getting dementia. AHHAHA JK.

So, I had suspicions on my health but I don't really want to go check it. It feels scary if you were to know your life had a preset dateline. TAT SUX. I've been losing appetite. I usually can eat a lot but I feel like vomiting it out after eating half of my food. My body is getting weird nowadays too. Maybe I should be checked soon. Who knows I got some heart or lung disease? Prevention is easier right? But if a patient is diagnosed with a disease, how is prevention easier? The disease isn't prevented LOL. Cure is expensive too, not everyone can manage with the bills. Thats why in dramas, the main lead always wants to die rather than being a burden to others. It's just easier that way.

Well, good luck to my exams and I pray for my health.

19 Years of Life

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!! YAY, I'M FINALLY 19.

Birthdays used to be the thing I looked forward to each year (mostly cos no one celebrates it with me). Well, this year marks the 3rd time I actually celebrate the day of my birth. Mostly cos I usually forced people to celebrate it with me. IDK why I will feel very sad if nothing BIG happens on my birthday. It's just weird. Although I don't really like all the attention, I don't want to be alone on my special day. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself it's just another day, I can't help it. :\

I've been thinking a lot what I want to accomplish this year andddddd I honestly don't know. My bucket list has been the same since I was still in my early teens and I still haven't accomplish it since well, it's sort of a future thing that can't happen now. OOPS.

Few weeks ago, I wrote in my diary that I wished to find myself and want to have my talent. It's a childish thing tbh HAHHA but wateffs. I seriously don't know what I will wish for.

For starters, there are a few things I want to do someday in my life. The list can go on forever...

1. Bungee Jumping (I know this is cliche but oh well; I got fear of height actually but I love the thrill xp stress relief HAHAHA)
2. Get my first brand new guitar (1 is coming my way MUAHHAHAHAH)
3. Learn guitar from a pro (when i haz the moneh :o)
4. Be famous someday in wattpad (hey, it's not wrong to dream aite? LOL)
5. Learn english songs so can do cover wif ma guitar (well, maybe I will just use KPOP if im bored wif english)
6. Actually learn how to cook (the only perfect thing I legit know is instant noodles HAIZZZ)
7. Take baking classes (cos why not?)
8. Create my own recipe (i wan originality)
9. Open a family shop (income for the future babeh)
10. Have a BIG house (i love space)
11. Have a driving license (maybe motorcycle cos cars nt rly my thing, i get stuffy)
12. Fix my fear of height (I still cant cross a bridge without having the jitters :x)
13. Control my cravings for food (i feel like im pregnant)
14. Self DIY my clothes (i wanna be different)
15. Have things to do with clique other than movies all the time (i enjoy movies but nt with them since it's too often)
16. Have a cool waterproof camera (maybe i get instax or the photo printer as well?)
17. Own all monster high merchandise esp the NINTENDO 3DS GAMES (I'M SO GONNA GET THIS SOON)
18. Get loads of preetz stationeries so I can nvr be sick of it and run of it like EVER (+ i love stationeries)
19. Last but not least, wish for more happy days in my life

Wellllllll, that concludes my wish list for now which is super cliche BUT I love cliche. I also like childish things cos I am like that. Whoever not happy can get out of my life yeah. I'm not stopping you to be in my life :)

PS. There might be technical difficulties later today or tomorrow due to me uploading my daily moments of nonsense.

PPS. My daily nonsense is still bearable but today's nonsense exceed the maximum level of nonsense.

PPPS. I will never bring nonsense out of my life :D

Short Post to Update :)

I think something is wrong with me. Well, first thing would be I'm losing my appetite. I NEVER lost my appetite! I always have a HUGE appetite cos well, I love food. I can never separate myself from food like ever.

Enough about food, I am also feeling more lethargic with the life I'm living in now. It is very tiring and I am not enjoying it especially my school life, aside from the crazy antics when I'm with people I really like and are comfortable with. I feel like I am lying to myself a lot lately. I do not like the me now. I want a new me. A me that is braver to achieve her dream and not the cowardly me who is studying something to earn a stable income in the future.

I don't ever want to end my school life actually. I know I'm destined to take the burden of supporting the family once I started working. This actually meant that I cannot be who I want to be. I have to slog myself out to earn more money to be able to have some for myself at the end of the day.

Well that aside, I found my hidden talent. I can write poems. I mean everyone cans but words seemed to flow out the moment i write a line. It feels incredible. For once, I don't feel awkward doing something. The content for now is a bit cliche though. But I love cliche, it's like the best thing ever. However, I think I need to think broader? Look forward to see the new me at wattpad :D

Wow I never thought my country has so many beautiful places. I think I really should explore one day. Been living in a hole for 18 years+ (going 19 in 3 days). Damn. The funny thing was I only found out I lived in an unlucky level when I was 18. Unlucky 13 floor HAHAHAH. I don't necessarily feel unlucky though so I think it's still ok.

School has been shitty. I feel like quitting actually, ever since I was in year 1. I thought it wasn't meant for me. But quitting means, I have to abandon everything in that school, even my CCA mates. I don't want that to happen. I value relationships more than anything. I think I'm stupid for not being ambitious, I mean, I'm not even future-oriented for my life. I just want a simple life but the world is stopping me. Change is for the better but what if I don't want to change?