Temporary Study Break

Been studying for several hours now... I wonder what I studied...

Damn, I'm screwed! I'm so gonna blame the cher for not teaching us the theory properly ARGH!!! I don't get a single thing!! OMG...

PLEASE PLEASE LET ME AT LEAST PASS THIS STUPID MODULE ARGH!

Well, at least I won't fail one of my papers. My first paper was rather easy just that I forgot a few simple theory tsk. My mind decides to play me at the last moment THANKS (so not pfft)

I read this touching story from twitter about this girl writing a letter to herself 10 years later. I find it cool and maybe I should do it too? DAMN, I seriously think I'm age-ing backwards.

I learn a lot now compared to when I was actually on the growing phase. I think I might really be weird...?

I've run out of english teenage movies, maybe it's time to watch mature ones. NAH... I barely survived an NC16 violent movie without shutting my eyes at every gory scene EWW. I tried watching Deadpool with my underage sister, let's just say we survived the first 5min of it oops. It was too much for my eyes and my fragile heart HAHA.

Well, time to study again. Wish me good luck :)

Until next time...

The Wrong Path

I've decided to end my virtual world and then I receive an email from a virtual friend. WOW.

Things just aren't going my way.

I have my mid terms next week. I'm so not ready. Well at least there is no paper on Wednesday.

The only problem is I still can't find my calculator. I swear it's like my 10th calculator already! ARGH! I must have left it in the library the other day coz I can't find it anywhere!!

Sooo, I decided not to get a new one since it's my last semester. I juz hope my sister's calculator won't bail on me. And I need to get it approved. Such a bummer!

I've been thinking, maybe I'm on the wrong track. I should have ended this 2 years ago. Now I've wasted 2 years + studying something I hate and end up not getting anywhere. I should have went to study F&B Business like I wanted to. I was delusional to think that he would go there with me too.

I feel so ashamed now to be so delusional and desperate over some teenage crush. PFFT, I'm so stupid.

I feel more stupid now, realising two days ago, I tried stalking his social media. Well, obviously he didn't update so I just wasted my effort. ARGH!!

OMG I should stop thinking about him. DAMN, to think I wasted 3 whole years liking him?! What's with me and wasting 3 years LOL. I wasted 3 years before and I'm wasting 3 years again. My fate with life sux.

My playlist seems boring now, so here I am listening to the radio and Bruno Mars - It Will Rain is playing. I feel more depressed now. :\

I've been dying to do a health check. And then, my sort of smart ass friend decided to say just take a freaking blood test coz I'm wasting my money on nonsense ECG. Well, it's my money and my wish. God, just let me do it! I've got a very bad feeling about my heart so I need to get it check out. -shrugs-

Well, I might die sometime and with my failing memory, I'm trying to record my life everyday in case I forgot certain memories. OH WELL I failed my life.

Subconscious and Conscious Mind

I've been having weird dreams lately. On the plus side, at least I'm not so sleep-deprived, I guess. And also, I might be able to control my insomnia the healthy way. So I know I cannot sleep early, so I made use of the time to do my project. Hell, all my teachers decided to bomb us projects when exams are round the corner. Powerpoints, reports and whatnot all due when school reopen. Save Me!!!

I've decided not to work for now until after I graduated. I need a break from all the nonsense. I need more me time so work has to be sacrificed. Money is sacrificed too, oh well.

So this morning, around midnight, my friend texted me about this "DBS paylah" promo (whilst stock last). I earned a good SGD5.00 but then I got greedy. I wanted more but no one is willing to help me. DAMN, they all scared and whatnot. I needed the moneh bitches.

If any of you readers decides to help me, download the DBS paylah app and sign up. Remember to key in my referral code "AMEHZU710" and you can get SGD5.00 too. Hurry coz only first 30k transaction.

Well, enough about money talk, now Kdrama is getting boring. The nice ones are not in seasonal so I watched english sitcoms when I'm bored and decided to turn on the tv. My father installed this thingy called "MBOX" and there is this app called Megabox. It's super good coz all new movies are there (but I don't watch them) and english tv shows are even included. I managed to watch the whole "ICarly" series. I used to watch them but not in order as I didn't have the tv cable last time. Now, I wished I had so I can watch all the Disney Channel sitcoms like The Suite Life series. DAMN, my childhood is being missed.

I feel bad nowadays, cos everyone is chasing after their K namjas. I lost hope in voting for MAMA 2016. Let's face it, INFINITE lost their glory days since Last Romeo and when they embarrassed themselves EPIC!! Dongwoo was super hilarious like always.

It's saddening coz no matter how good they are, they are not winning MAMA anymore. IT'S UNFAIR. Even now, BTOB has a nice comeback song again "I'll Be Your Man" but they are being under-appreciated. KPOP is becoming weird.

I saw an article about the 3 rookie girl groups from SM, YG and JYP. The top 3 entertainment agency. Well, I seriously hoped BLACKPINK rises among the other two - Red Velvet and Twice coz they are better and I don't really like RV and T. (Hate me all you want but I'm still not gonna like them; maybe at most I only like Jeongyeon)

OKAY, back to my subconscious mind, I think I have a wild imagination deep inside my head that only comes out in my dreams. I should take note of them and maybe make use of it when I'm in the mood for some story writing HAHA.

Time to continue my report writing; SAYOUNARA MINNA-SAN!!!

A Not So Good Night

Well, I sort of forced myself to go to sleep yesterday, which totally didn't work out.

I slept at 2am. YAY at least I improved from 4am and barely managed to wake up for school today. THANK GOD my class starts at 10am today.

So I was abruptly woken up from my sleep by my alarm and ALSO this very weird dream.

I vaguely remember the whole details but the main thing is the characters and what I did in the dream.

Disclaimer: The following paragraphs may or may not offend some people BUT HEY, it's juz a dream~

So if I remember correctly, I was sort "mates" with 2 guys namely GOT7 BamBam and Mark. (weird right, I know) First of all, no offence and all, I rather dream about my INFINITE oppas especially Dongwoo but NO, my brain decided to make me dream about GOT7.

Anywho, back to the dream, I was at first destined to be mates with BamBam. And to sort of "seal the deal" (basically, agreeing to be mates) with this mate thing, I had to bite of my mate's ear and sort of suck the blood out. (I mean, eww?! I hate the taste of blood the most) Well anyways, in my dream, my mate's blood is supposed to be sweet. So yeah, his blood is sweet.

And then, a sudden change in scenes, I was sort of given another mate. GOD knows why but I'm into polygamy?! Well, Mark was to be my second mate and I was to mark him the same way. But, something forbids it and ta-dah, we cannot process the marking. So, I had to taste bitter blood like EWW. I can already imagine the taste.

So I woke up after feeling disgusted. I told my friend this morning and she suggested me googling what my dream was about. I was sure nothing would come out coz I always have weird dreams. Maybe the too much werewolves and vampires stories on wattpad made me go crazy. Like seriously?!

Well, I went to google it, and it's the closest I could get since who on earth would post a dream like mine?!

• Luck if collecting or drinking blood - When you dream that you collect or even drink the blood, this announces you will have good prospects and good hopes
• Biting someone so as to make him bleed -  You love him but will harm him
• The dreamer biting someone out of love - Will love him more

GREAT. I think I'm lost now. OHWELLS T^T

Karma Strikes Me

So insomnia is not only a curse but also a misfortune.

I got grouped by two unknown people in my class. Seriously who are they? I don't think I ever heard their names before. ARGH I can see my project failing. DAYUM

My future is bleak; I can't see my future. My so called "clique" decided to leave me alone with 2 jokers. IDW do this project alone!!!!!!!!!

Karma is such a bitch...

INSOMNIA + MISSING CLASSES

It sucks wanting to have an early night but after 2 hours on the bed, I'm still awake. :[

So because of that, I didn't manage to wake up on time for school and I'm missing all my classes. I'm screwed, this can't be happening. My attendance is running low. ARGHHHHHHH I HATE INSOMNIA!!!

The stupid thing is I'm waking up at the time when my classes are over; let's face it, I won't make it to school on time for my classes. So practically, every week, I'm only going to school like 2-3 days :\

To make it worse, I don't know how to face my FYP group mate. He is doing everything to salvage our project and I'm not helping. I'm like a lost sheep now.

I should at least do the report since that is my niche. ARGH project piling up, exams are nearing and my project due date is creeping me. I feel like I'm buried under all these stress.

I'm desperate. TATSUKETEKUDASAI!!

Happy Dongwoo Day

As the name suggests, today is Happy Dongwoo Day. It's my bias oppa birthday!! YAY!! ＼(^o^)／

So I've spammed both my insta account to upload my oppa's photos (it will never be enough). I tried to control my main account but on my other account, I was determined to follow my insta theme.

I've decided few days ago to start doing this insta theme. I know it's already out of trend but I like doing things that's out of trend idky.

So basically, I'm going to follow the colours of the rainbow then to monochrome. Each colour will consist of 9 pictures mainly consisting of that particular colours. And then when I'm bored I will continue to the pastel colours?

The main thing is I want to feel involve in my life :\ I always wonder why I'm alive. It feels weird though to have a soul and feeling things. I'm always thinking whether I'm really alive or maybe I'm a boring character from somewhere.

On the bright side, today is a happy day. I just realised my bias share his birthday with a lot of other famous people like silverlight Eunkwang and some dude from MonstaX. It feels weird though to share a birthday but it's cool at the same time.

I used to go crazy and wanting to know people born on the exact same day and year with me. Well, now i know two of them and let's just say we are not what I imagined us. I always thought my birthday twinnie will be my long lost twin LOL. Much imagination I know.

I still believed I'm age-ing backwards. It's like I'm trying so hard to relive my childhood as I was sort of childhood deprived. I don't have many good memories. I always wanted to have a birthday party but never actually had it. I really really wanted my own cake but it was always shared with my two other sisters. To make it worse, I had to wait for my cake 2-3 months later. I was always sad on my birthday itself cos no one ever celebrates it with me. I hardly get wishes even. Heck, I don't even think my parents know my birthdate anymore.

I think that's how I ended up getting angry at my best friend for not getting me a gift. I was angry cos I prepared things for them that year and I wanted someone to remember my birth so much I gone bonkers.

I never really apologise though or explain why I reacted so big but no matter how tough I looked, I don't have the guts. I was always strong on the outside and weak on the inside, maybe that's why some people stepped on me.

I tried letting it go and make myself believe my birthday is just another day but trust me, it didn't work. I was forced to put on a happy facade when I'm actually not. I'm birthday deprived and I don't think it will disappear.

Well for now, think happy thoughts and let's have a moment to see how cool my oppa is. He is after all my 야생눈매 천사 오빠~~~ <3 (≧3≦)