I'M FINE

I was fine by myself when this happens. I certainly believe that I can live well by myself. I tend to wallow myself and let the darkness consumed me and I will end up just fine. But really, was I fine?

Whenever someone said "i'm fine", you should NEVER ignore them and let the person be. Sometimes, that person just needs a hand she can hold, a ear that listens to her or even a shoulder she can cry on.

The world is going on at a fast pace. People says that we should catch up with the world if not we get lagged behind. If everyone does this, who will be there in the end? Everyone will be too busy to even notice others.

Stop moving life too fast, if not, you will never know when someone needs you.

FRIENDS

They say all relationship will bound to come to an end. Only family will stick with you till the end.

All my life, I always value friends before family. I could always open myself up more to friends than family. To be honest, I am quite awkward with my own family though I live with them.

Once, my teacher asked us to rank our values; I chose money, friends then family. A merely 20 year old girl believes that money is the most important thing in the world. I was quite puzzled when my friends answered family as first. I've been raised to think that money is the most important. I've come to terms maybe friends is as important as money though I never forgo the thought that money is still my priority. :\

Growing up, I've come to sense that friends come and go; families are just there. I've never really had someone I can call a best friend. At most, I would "label" my friends as close friends. No one was ever in my "best friend list". To me, close friends are the highest rankings I could ever allow strangers to be at. It's sad to say that I've been living like this but like I said, friends do come and go; families are just there.

If you are my friend and you are reading this, feel free to pack up your bags and leave me. I will get used to your disappearance.

First Post in 2018

Hi world! Can't believe it's already 11th of April already and I'm only updating this blog now... OOPZ 8)

Anyways, since I am 4 months late, I shall update on how 2018 has been for me...

I am currently an Early Childhood student since March 2018 and will be a certified Early Childhood teacher by August 2019. So far, school has been vexing as there are alot assignments and my current one is 90%!!! SOBSSS :(

Anyways, seeing one of my friends kinda active on tinder makes me wanna go back to e-penpal-ing LOLZ. It was fun until I got random emails from creeps -ahem-

Back to topic, it's only my 2nd month of school and I think I'm growing old fast. I'm taking the week off from work but this means I won't earn as much. I still nid to pay off my remaining school fees. A classmate said that I won't be able to use all of my government funds and I'm like "I'm so doomed". :\

I need moneyyyyyyy and at the same time I kinda got a wishlist :\ Life is sad when you don't get what you want.

So I heard my field praticum won't be a paid one and this sux since I wouldn't be able to earn. Plus, I can't even quit my salad job HAIZZZ... Been wanting to quit since the day I started LOLZ.

My life as a student is so far not as smooth-sailing as I tot it would be. Heng my first group was awesome and we were able to do it way ahead before dateline. The 2nd group work was vexing as there were so many edits to be done. Also, I gt sick my stress level went higher zzz

I'm currently doing my third module and guess what, itz 90% and itz individual ._.

GREATTTTTTTTTT...

Let's hope I can finish at least 90% of the workload by this weekend so I can slack LOLZ HEHE 8)

Life Is Full Of Dramas, Literally

So, I'm at Season 7 of The Vampire Diaries already and it's been a whole ride of ups and downs. I kinda miss Klaus now. It's weird how I shipped Caroline and Klaus together. Maybe I'm just a sucker for British accent.

The drama is getting boring though, been thinking to start watching Riverdale but I'm scared I'll be hooked to it like I am with 13 Reasons Why.

My life is kinda dramatic as well. As much as I like dramas, real life drama is a drag especially if there is no happy endings. I still remember a story I read at wattpad about how happy endings aren't actually an ending. In fact, happy endings are just a new beginning. Nothing really last, especially happy ones. Good things don't last. I just have to deal with it.

The next round of university applications is coming soon and I still haven't figured out what I want to do. The only problem I think is, can I actually get into uni? As much as I want to get in, I don't think I am able to get in. Sucks huh? I guess dreams don't work unless you do. My GPA is like shit and if I can't get in, private schools are my only ticket to have a degree. Diploma isn't enough in this century, apparently.

So... for now I made a list of things I need to get it done by September, before I submit my application.

1. scan the remaining academic transcripts and personal achievements

2. scan my ID

3. get a passport sized photo (maybe in softcopy as well?)

4. write my resume

5. write my personal statement

6. write my essay

7. get a screenshot of payslip or CPF statement (i think this part is the easiest)

8. prepare for announcement of acceptance/rejection (YAY?)

I guess worse come to worse, I will just enlist in the army? LOL at least I would have something to do. On the side note, as I'm grumbling about how sad my life is, other people are worst. I have this coworker who don't even have a diploma and is struggling to get a full time job. I guess now the economy is bad huh?

I just hope things will be better next month. :\ 

I'm The Same Me Though..

Bangs on the front

Centre parting at the back

Contact lenses in

Spectacles out

The people smile at me

I broke into a smile

Arms stretched wide

Squashed they made me

Bangs to the side

Side parting all the way back

Contact lenses out

Spectacles in

The people ignore me

I broke into a frown

Arms stretched wide

Hollow they made me

Life Is Like A Rose; there are good times & bad times

Living life in b&w was tiring... I decided to live life in colour again. Friends are forever, boys are juz there. I don't need them.

So from yesterday onwards, I've revert back to the good ole days when I read all those tragic stories on wattpad especially those triggered stories. Well, since my life is already so pathetic, these stories actually made me feel much better as my life isn't that bad juz that it will still be suckish and I can't change it.

I sort of scare him away when I asked for a closure. Tbh, I didn't even know what I was doing. It felt bitter of coz but I kind of agree tat we are better of as friends but I juz dun get wat he means by him not compatible wif me. Itz either his putting himself down or itz legit true. I think itz the former though.

Anyways, the good thing is I no longer have school so I won't bump into him. Such a bummer though coz I keep "seeing" him everywhere. But I believe I'm done with this. I'm okay being friends juz tat r/s haz to wait a few years I guess...

SO ytd onwards I had a curfew I think; 10pm. It suckz... no more going out late I guess haizzzzzzzz I wan more freedom!!!

Note to Self

I feel like burying myself in the sand yesterday while I was at the beach. Getting immobilised for a moment and not thinking much. But I think the soaking in the sea worked since water has always calm me since I was young. Maybe that is why I always like to go swimming. The down side is getting tanner everytime I go LOL.

So Ryl and Nia was curious about the whole thing that happened. I mean I don't mind telling but Ryl seems intimidating so I ended up juz saying snippets of it LOL. I think I'm juz not comfortable enough to talk f2f I guess? The reassuring thing was Ryl is ready to punch him if anything were ti happen. I find it funneh coz Ryl is like s much smaller. I think he confirmed lose HAHAS. Nia even called him a jerk I can't even. I think I was even stupidly defending him coz he is still my friend, rite?

Well, on the plus side I think I am more calm now. I sort of will myself not to get too attached to them as a whole ba yknow... but I feel bad like the rest aren't at fault. But I think deep down Iknew what was his reason. He likes her. Itz so obvious actually juz that he hasn't figured it out yet. He is even willing to help her get thru her shitz. I mean who wouldn't want a guy like that rite? The girl muz be blind if she didn't see it.

Time to change I guess. My image haz already changed. I juz hope no one else noe about this drama coz itz kinda embarrassing. Idk wat I would do if one day someone asked me do I like him LOL.

July 5th is kinda like D-Day coz of the event and I will see them and another annoying person. Sorry but I think I'm scared of you >~< . You are a good senior but I don't feel that comfortable around you especially alone. Sorry for always rejecting you but it was a legit reason that I wasn't free.... Wei and I think I should stay away from you coz itz kinda creepy... And I think I should distance myself from the opposite sex for a while. I should stop being friendly and comfortqble with the opposite sex coz itz toxic to me. Yeap, note to self.