Life Is Like A Rose; there are good times & bad times

Living life in b&w was tiring... I decided to live life in colour again. Friends are forever, boys are juz there. I don't need them.

So from yesterday onwards, I've revert back to the good ole days when I read all those tragic stories on wattpad especially those triggered stories. Well, since my life is already so pathetic, these stories actually made me feel much better as my life isn't that bad juz that it will still be suckish and I can't change it.

I sort of scare him away when I asked for a closure. Tbh, I didn't even know what I was doing. It felt bitter of coz but I kind of agree tat we are better of as friends but I juz dun get wat he means by him not compatible wif me. Itz either his putting himself down or itz legit true. I think itz the former though.

Anyways, the good thing is I no longer have school so I won't bump into him. Such a bummer though coz I keep "seeing" him everywhere. But I believe I'm done with this. I'm okay being friends juz tat r/s haz to wait a few years I guess...

SO ytd onwards I had a curfew I think; 10pm. It suckz... no more going out late I guess haizzzzzzzz I wan more freedom!!!

Note to Self

I feel like burying myself in the sand yesterday while I was at the beach. Getting immobilised for a moment and not thinking much. But I think the soaking in the sea worked since water has always calm me since I was young. Maybe that is why I always like to go swimming. The down side is getting tanner everytime I go LOL.

So Ryl and Nia was curious about the whole thing that happened. I mean I don't mind telling but Ryl seems intimidating so I ended up juz saying snippets of it LOL. I think I'm juz not comfortable enough to talk f2f I guess? The reassuring thing was Ryl is ready to punch him if anything were ti happen. I find it funneh coz Ryl is like s much smaller. I think he confirmed lose HAHAS. Nia even called him a jerk I can't even. I think I was even stupidly defending him coz he is still my friend, rite?

Well, on the plus side I think I am more calm now. I sort of will myself not to get too attached to them as a whole ba yknow... but I feel bad like the rest aren't at fault. But I think deep down Iknew what was his reason. He likes her. Itz so obvious actually juz that he hasn't figured it out yet. He is even willing to help her get thru her shitz. I mean who wouldn't want a guy like that rite? The girl muz be blind if she didn't see it.

Time to change I guess. My image haz already changed. I juz hope no one else noe about this drama coz itz kinda embarrassing. Idk wat I would do if one day someone asked me do I like him LOL.

July 5th is kinda like D-Day coz of the event and I will see them and another annoying person. Sorry but I think I'm scared of you >~< . You are a good senior but I don't feel that comfortable around you especially alone. Sorry for always rejecting you but it was a legit reason that I wasn't free.... Wei and I think I should stay away from you coz itz kinda creepy... And I think I should distance myself from the opposite sex for a while. I should stop being friendly and comfortqble with the opposite sex coz itz toxic to me. Yeap, note to self.

Update

Hi blog! Long time no see! So....... life has been hectic i guess... as always... I'm like waiting for Uni Applications but I still don't know what I want to do in life GG...

These past few days has been sooooooooooo tiring I KENNUT.

But I think itz coz I'm juz kinda depressed LOL... Things are like biting me in the ass and I'm like here lost at what to do... Well 12 June 2017 marks the day when I was a goner... I think I lost myself on that night... Such a bummer... I'm like letting a rejection get to me like this...

Letz start frm the beginning shall we? Well first, I got crazy and decided to confess so I sent him a song link of Carly Rae Jepsen's I Really Like You... and things were going smooth I guess since he said he don't mind with a r/s or whatever... and then few days later BOOM, I plunged downhill like on a rollercoaster ride that is going down...

Saying I was fine was underrated since I wasn't. Till date, I think I'm still not okay... I guess time will heal ba... But based on my past experience, I dun think I'm gonna will myself to forget this coz I think I might forget my other memories instead... I guess I have to stay strong for now... Even arcades not working in cheering me up...

Reading back my poem "A Fool" makes me think that it was me... I think I predicted my own future LOL GG What is wrong with me and my love life? Juz stay single sua rite? Lesser problem, lesser commitments, lesser drama...