Hey blogger! Been away for 6 months and finally I'm back again HEHE...
Fret not, I have been micro-blogging all this while coz I haz no time for this :( My micro-blogging is mostly food related though and current feelings usually... Juz random posts...
School has gone by so fast... can't believe I started in March and it's already November now WOW!!! To be honest, the modules are kinda hard and challenging and I just hoped for a C grade which is the recommended passing grade to graduate haizzzz... So far my lowest is C and I only gt 1 A coz the cher was way too lenient :\ haizzzzz, classes are hard...
Working life is a drag too, since I'm way too tired to go to work and class everyday... It's getting kinda mundane and it feels like there is biasness going on ard the shop. I'm juz angst that the manager didn't give me a shift today and then I juz blatantly told her I cmi for next week for a tiny revenge haha... gt the feels to MIA alr tbh...
HAIZZZZZZ... hope I can graduate soon and survive this hellhole...
Sunday, 18 November 2018
Tuesday, 1 May 2018
Is Love Blind ? 🤔
People keep saying that love is blind and whatnot. I always believe that love is the one that make people go blind.
Why do people say love is blind then? To be honest, the wording is slightly wrong since love isn't a living thing or anything and saying that it is blind is merely putting in personification to "love". It is just a metaphor and I still strongly believe that love is the "thing" that simply make people blind.
This picture states "infatuation is blind". Again, to reinstate my point, infatuation is simply a personification in this case. :\
Outsiders, like myself, tend to overlook this "logic" and the people involved wouldn't believe in us when we state our opinion. So I guess it's better to just keep quiet since ignorance is bliss. Let them suffer and learn from it. They will find out eventually coz "once bitten, twice shy".
Why do people say love is blind then? To be honest, the wording is slightly wrong since love isn't a living thing or anything and saying that it is blind is merely putting in personification to "love". It is just a metaphor and I still strongly believe that love is the "thing" that simply make people blind.
This picture states "infatuation is blind". Again, to reinstate my point, infatuation is simply a personification in this case. :\
Outsiders, like myself, tend to overlook this "logic" and the people involved wouldn't believe in us when we state our opinion. So I guess it's better to just keep quiet since ignorance is bliss. Let them suffer and learn from it. They will find out eventually coz "once bitten, twice shy".
Sunday, 22 April 2018
Two Faced
Ever wondered how easily someone can be two faced? It is pretty easy actually.
Shakespeare said, "To be or not to be, that is the question." In other words, you make the decision on whether you want to be two faced or not. Being alive for 20 years 9 months and 3 days has taught me many things indeed.
People can be such a hypocrite.
It's easier said than done though. It's funny how everyone is going on about how one should not judge and all, but truth is, everyone judge. Everyone can be open minded but the truth is no one is actually open minded like they said. So does that mean that everyone is two faced at some point of time?
I think everyone is guilty of this; I know I am. I used to think that by doing this I am indeed "fitting in". I realised "fitting in" isn't necessary because you only need a few people that actually cares. You don't need the whole world to back you up. If you have someone that is willing to be there for you, that's enough.
This quote still stays true till today...
Saturday, 14 April 2018
I'M FINE
The world is going on at a fast pace. People says that we should catch up with the world if not we get lagged behind. If everyone does this, who will be there in the end? Everyone will be too busy to even notice others.
Stop moving life too fast, if not, you will never know when someone needs you.
FRIENDS
They say all relationship will bound to come to an end. Only family will stick with you till the end.
All my life, I always value friends before family. I could always open myself up more to friends than family. To be honest, I am quite awkward with my own family though I live with them.
Once, my teacher asked us to rank our values; I chose money, friends then family. A merely 20 year old girl believes that money is the most important thing in the world. I was quite puzzled when my friends answered family as first. I've been raised to think that money is the most important. I've come to terms maybe friends is as important as money though I never forgo the thought that money is still my priority. :\
Growing up, I've come to sense that friends come and go; families are just there. I've never really had someone I can call a best friend. At most, I would "label" my friends as close friends. No one was ever in my "best friend list". To me, close friends are the highest rankings I could ever allow strangers to be at. It's sad to say that I've been living like this but like I said, friends do come and go; families are just there.
If you are my friend and you are reading this, feel free to pack up your bags and leave me. I will get used to your disappearance.
Wednesday, 11 April 2018
First Post in 2018
Hi world! Can't believe it's already 11th of April already and I'm only updating this blog now... OOPZ 8)
Anyways, since I am 4 months late, I shall update on how 2018 has been for me...
I am currently an Early Childhood student since March 2018 and will be a certified Early Childhood teacher by August 2019. So far, school has been vexing as there are alot assignments and my current one is 90%!!! SOBSSS :(
Anyways, seeing one of my friends kinda active on tinder makes me wanna go back to e-penpal-ing LOLZ. It was fun until I got random emails from creeps -ahem-
Back to topic, it's only my 2nd month of school and I think I'm growing old fast. I'm taking the week off from work but this means I won't earn as much. I still nid to pay off my remaining school fees. A classmate said that I won't be able to use all of my government funds and I'm like "I'm so doomed". :\
I need moneyyyyyyy and at the same time I kinda got a wishlist :\ Life is sad when you don't get what you want.
So I heard my field praticum won't be a paid one and this sux since I wouldn't be able to earn. Plus, I can't even quit my salad job HAIZZZ... Been wanting to quit since the day I started LOLZ.
My life as a student is so far not as smooth-sailing as I tot it would be. Heng my first group was awesome and we were able to do it way ahead before dateline. The 2nd group work was vexing as there were so many edits to be done. Also, I gt sick my stress level went higher zzz
I'm currently doing my third module and guess what, itz 90% and itz individual ._.
GREATTTTTTTTTT...
Let's hope I can finish at least 90% of the workload by this weekend so I can slack LOLZ HEHE 8)
Anyways, since I am 4 months late, I shall update on how 2018 has been for me...
I am currently an Early Childhood student since March 2018 and will be a certified Early Childhood teacher by August 2019. So far, school has been vexing as there are alot assignments and my current one is 90%!!! SOBSSS :(
Anyways, seeing one of my friends kinda active on tinder makes me wanna go back to e-penpal-ing LOLZ. It was fun until I got random emails from creeps -ahem-
Back to topic, it's only my 2nd month of school and I think I'm growing old fast. I'm taking the week off from work but this means I won't earn as much. I still nid to pay off my remaining school fees. A classmate said that I won't be able to use all of my government funds and I'm like "I'm so doomed". :\
I need moneyyyyyyy and at the same time I kinda got a wishlist :\ Life is sad when you don't get what you want.
So I heard my field praticum won't be a paid one and this sux since I wouldn't be able to earn. Plus, I can't even quit my salad job HAIZZZ... Been wanting to quit since the day I started LOLZ.
My life as a student is so far not as smooth-sailing as I tot it would be. Heng my first group was awesome and we were able to do it way ahead before dateline. The 2nd group work was vexing as there were so many edits to be done. Also, I gt sick my stress level went higher zzz
I'm currently doing my third module and guess what, itz 90% and itz individual ._.
GREATTTTTTTTTT...
Let's hope I can finish at least 90% of the workload by this weekend so I can slack LOLZ HEHE 8)
Sunday, 20 August 2017
Life Is Full Of Dramas, Literally
So, I'm at Season 7 of The Vampire Diaries already and it's been a whole ride of ups and downs. I kinda miss Klaus now. It's weird how I shipped Caroline and Klaus together. Maybe I'm just a sucker for British accent.
The drama is getting boring though, been thinking to start watching Riverdale but I'm scared I'll be hooked to it like I am with 13 Reasons Why.
My life is kinda dramatic as well. As much as I like dramas, real life drama is a drag especially if there is no happy endings. I still remember a story I read at wattpad about how happy endings aren't actually an ending. In fact, happy endings are just a new beginning. Nothing really last, especially happy ones. Good things don't last. I just have to deal with it.
The next round of university applications is coming soon and I still haven't figured out what I want to do. The only problem I think is, can I actually get into uni? As much as I want to get in, I don't think I am able to get in. Sucks huh? I guess dreams don't work unless you do. My GPA is like shit and if I can't get in, private schools are my only ticket to have a degree. Diploma isn't enough in this century, apparently.
So... for now I made a list of things I need to get it done by September, before I submit my application.
1. scan the remaining academic transcripts and personal achievements
2. scan my ID
3. get a passport sized photo (maybe in softcopy as well?)
4. write my resume
5. write my personal statement
6. write my essay
7. get a screenshot of payslip or CPF statement (i think this part is the easiest)
8. prepare for announcement of acceptance/rejection (YAY?)
I guess worse come to worse, I will just enlist in the army? LOL at least I would have something to do. On the side note, as I'm grumbling about how sad my life is, other people are worst. I have this coworker who don't even have a diploma and is struggling to get a full time job. I guess now the economy is bad huh?
I just hope things will be better next month. :\
Monday, 3 July 2017
I'm The Same Me Though..
Bangs on the front
Centre parting at the back
Contact lenses in
Spectacles out
The people smile at me
I broke into a smile
Arms stretched wide
Squashed they made me
Bangs to the side
Side parting all the way back
Contact lenses out
Spectacles in
The people ignore me
I broke into a frown
Arms stretched wide
Hollow they made me
Wednesday, 28 June 2017
Life Is Like A Rose; there are good times & bad times
Living life in b&w was tiring... I decided to live life in colour again. Friends are forever, boys are juz there. I don't need them.
So from yesterday onwards, I've revert back to the good ole days when I read all those tragic stories on wattpad especially those triggered stories. Well, since my life is already so pathetic, these stories actually made me feel much better as my life isn't that bad juz that it will still be suckish and I can't change it.
I sort of scare him away when I asked for a closure. Tbh, I didn't even know what I was doing. It felt bitter of coz but I kind of agree tat we are better of as friends but I juz dun get wat he means by him not compatible wif me. Itz either his putting himself down or itz legit true. I think itz the former though.
Anyways, the good thing is I no longer have school so I won't bump into him. Such a bummer though coz I keep "seeing" him everywhere. But I believe I'm done with this. I'm okay being friends juz tat r/s haz to wait a few years I guess...
SO ytd onwards I had a curfew I think; 10pm. It suckz... no more going out late I guess haizzzzzzzz I wan more freedom!!!
So from yesterday onwards, I've revert back to the good ole days when I read all those tragic stories on wattpad especially those triggered stories. Well, since my life is already so pathetic, these stories actually made me feel much better as my life isn't that bad juz that it will still be suckish and I can't change it.
I sort of scare him away when I asked for a closure. Tbh, I didn't even know what I was doing. It felt bitter of coz but I kind of agree tat we are better of as friends but I juz dun get wat he means by him not compatible wif me. Itz either his putting himself down or itz legit true. I think itz the former though.
Anyways, the good thing is I no longer have school so I won't bump into him. Such a bummer though coz I keep "seeing" him everywhere. But I believe I'm done with this. I'm okay being friends juz tat r/s haz to wait a few years I guess...
SO ytd onwards I had a curfew I think; 10pm. It suckz... no more going out late I guess haizzzzzzzz I wan more freedom!!!
Monday, 19 June 2017
Note to Self
I feel like burying myself in the sand yesterday while I was at the beach. Getting immobilised for a moment and not thinking much. But I think the soaking in the sea worked since water has always calm me since I was young. Maybe that is why I always like to go swimming. The down side is getting tanner everytime I go LOL.
So Ryl and Nia was curious about the whole thing that happened. I mean I don't mind telling but Ryl seems intimidating so I ended up juz saying snippets of it LOL. I think I'm juz not comfortable enough to talk f2f I guess? The reassuring thing was Ryl is ready to punch him if anything were ti happen. I find it funneh coz Ryl is like s much smaller. I think he confirmed lose HAHAS. Nia even called him a jerk I can't even. I think I was even stupidly defending him coz he is still my friend, rite?
Well, on the plus side I think I am more calm now. I sort of will myself not to get too attached to them as a whole ba yknow... but I feel bad like the rest aren't at fault. But I think deep down Iknew what was his reason. He likes her. Itz so obvious actually juz that he hasn't figured it out yet. He is even willing to help her get thru her shitz. I mean who wouldn't want a guy like that rite? The girl muz be blind if she didn't see it.
Time to change I guess. My image haz already changed. I juz hope no one else noe about this drama coz itz kinda embarrassing. Idk wat I would do if one day someone asked me do I like him LOL.
July 5th is kinda like D-Day coz of the event and I will see them and another annoying person. Sorry but I think I'm scared of you >~< . You are a good senior but I don't feel that comfortable around you especially alone. Sorry for always rejecting you but it was a legit reason that I wasn't free.... Wei and I think I should stay away from you coz itz kinda creepy... And I think I should distance myself from the opposite sex for a while. I should stop being friendly and comfortqble with the opposite sex coz itz toxic to me. Yeap, note to self.
So Ryl and Nia was curious about the whole thing that happened. I mean I don't mind telling but Ryl seems intimidating so I ended up juz saying snippets of it LOL. I think I'm juz not comfortable enough to talk f2f I guess? The reassuring thing was Ryl is ready to punch him if anything were ti happen. I find it funneh coz Ryl is like s much smaller. I think he confirmed lose HAHAS. Nia even called him a jerk I can't even. I think I was even stupidly defending him coz he is still my friend, rite?
Well, on the plus side I think I am more calm now. I sort of will myself not to get too attached to them as a whole ba yknow... but I feel bad like the rest aren't at fault. But I think deep down Iknew what was his reason. He likes her. Itz so obvious actually juz that he hasn't figured it out yet. He is even willing to help her get thru her shitz. I mean who wouldn't want a guy like that rite? The girl muz be blind if she didn't see it.
Time to change I guess. My image haz already changed. I juz hope no one else noe about this drama coz itz kinda embarrassing. Idk wat I would do if one day someone asked me do I like him LOL.
July 5th is kinda like D-Day coz of the event and I will see them and another annoying person. Sorry but I think I'm scared of you >~< . You are a good senior but I don't feel that comfortable around you especially alone. Sorry for always rejecting you but it was a legit reason that I wasn't free.... Wei and I think I should stay away from you coz itz kinda creepy... And I think I should distance myself from the opposite sex for a while. I should stop being friendly and comfortqble with the opposite sex coz itz toxic to me. Yeap, note to self.
Sunday, 18 June 2017
Update
Hi blog! Long time no see! So....... life has been hectic i guess... as always... I'm like waiting for Uni Applications but I still don't know what I want to do in life GG...
These past few days has been sooooooooooo tiring I KENNUT.
But I think itz coz I'm juz kinda depressed LOL... Things are like biting me in the ass and I'm like here lost at what to do... Well 12 June 2017 marks the day when I was a goner... I think I lost myself on that night... Such a bummer... I'm like letting a rejection get to me like this...
Letz start frm the beginning shall we? Well first, I got crazy and decided to confess so I sent him a song link of Carly Rae Jepsen's I Really Like You... and things were going smooth I guess since he said he don't mind with a r/s or whatever... and then few days later BOOM, I plunged downhill like on a rollercoaster ride that is going down...
Saying I was fine was underrated since I wasn't. Till date, I think I'm still not okay... I guess time will heal ba... But based on my past experience, I dun think I'm gonna will myself to forget this coz I think I might forget my other memories instead... I guess I have to stay strong for now... Even arcades not working in cheering me up...
Reading back my poem "A Fool" makes me think that it was me... I think I predicted my own future LOL GG What is wrong with me and my love life? Juz stay single sua rite? Lesser problem, lesser commitments, lesser drama...
These past few days has been sooooooooooo tiring I KENNUT.
But I think itz coz I'm juz kinda depressed LOL... Things are like biting me in the ass and I'm like here lost at what to do... Well 12 June 2017 marks the day when I was a goner... I think I lost myself on that night... Such a bummer... I'm like letting a rejection get to me like this...
Letz start frm the beginning shall we? Well first, I got crazy and decided to confess so I sent him a song link of Carly Rae Jepsen's I Really Like You... and things were going smooth I guess since he said he don't mind with a r/s or whatever... and then few days later BOOM, I plunged downhill like on a rollercoaster ride that is going down...
Saying I was fine was underrated since I wasn't. Till date, I think I'm still not okay... I guess time will heal ba... But based on my past experience, I dun think I'm gonna will myself to forget this coz I think I might forget my other memories instead... I guess I have to stay strong for now... Even arcades not working in cheering me up...
Reading back my poem "A Fool" makes me think that it was me... I think I predicted my own future LOL GG What is wrong with me and my love life? Juz stay single sua rite? Lesser problem, lesser commitments, lesser drama...
Tuesday, 21 February 2017
A Fool
I took a glance
When I had the chance
Seconds then minutes
We were infinite
Your eyes ever so bright
You brought me light
And your curling lips
Oh, my heart even skips
Baby, you were perfect
How right we clicked
But I knew better
When you met her
We were the wrong pieces
And then it creases
No matter how hard we try
The setting sun said bye
I stole a glance
When I had a chance
Seconds then minutes
It was absolute
Your eyes ever so bright
You bring her light
And your curling lips
Oh, my heart still skips
Baby, you are perfect
How right you both clicked
Wish I knew sooner
Before I became a goner
Friday, 17 February 2017
Update bout my life at the moment...
Exams are next week and i've been doing a lot of questions in preparation for them. Since I failed my components for PSA, I have to get at least 75 marks for that paper on Monday which is driving me crazy.
As much as everyone has faith in me, I don't. I am super scared I will fail that module and have to retake another semester. It just sux since I'm not born with a high IQ. + itz not helping that I'm beyond lazy since forever. HAIZZZZZZ...
So here I am, on my study break trying to grasp the already blurring situation. I got a very bad feeling that I have to remodule. HAIZZZZ... but nonetheless, I don't think it's the end of the world rite ? At most, I just have to study harder to graduate in September/October instead of May :\
Letz face life with positivity anyways since life isn't that colourful to begin with...
As much as everyone has faith in me, I don't. I am super scared I will fail that module and have to retake another semester. It just sux since I'm not born with a high IQ. + itz not helping that I'm beyond lazy since forever. HAIZZZZZZ...
So here I am, on my study break trying to grasp the already blurring situation. I got a very bad feeling that I have to remodule. HAIZZZZ... but nonetheless, I don't think it's the end of the world rite ? At most, I just have to study harder to graduate in September/October instead of May :\
Letz face life with positivity anyways since life isn't that colourful to begin with...
Monday, 13 February 2017
W PROJECT 장준, 영택 "가뭄 (Feat. BéE)"
Today marks the day of the 2nd W PROJECT!!!!
The song genre is similar to INFINITE H since it's featuring BéE from Rphabet who has been with INFINITE for quite some time now. But nevertheless, the song is mindblowing!!!!!
Click the link below and be prepared to be WOW-ed :D
W PROJECT 장준, 영택 "가뭄 (Feat. BéE)"
Kinda sad that the Woollim boys are around my age or younger T^T #ohwell... at least got some older than me... 6 more oppas to fangirl over WOOTS!!!! Can't wait to see Daeyeol OMG!!! saw the replies to my comment [If W PROJECT is getting better and better, when DAeyeol's turn comes, it's explosion time !!!], people are saying they stan INFINITE but don't know Daeyeol and some even saying Daeyeol is their brother in law; kinda disturbing man...
GET THESE FACTS RIGHT PEOPLE:
1. OUR OPPAS REMAINS OUR OPPAS
2. WE DO NOT FIGHT WITH OTHER FANS OVER THEM COZ OUR OPPAS ARE NOT OUR POSSESSIONS
3. OUR OPPAS WILL ONE DAY DATE AND GET MARRIED WITH OTHER GIRLS BUT NOT THEIR FANS AND WE, AS FANS HAVE TO RESPECT THAT
4. WE DO NOT FANTASISE OUR OPPAS AS OUR OWN PARTNERS (OTHER THAN FANFICS LOL)
5. WE DO NOT INVADE OUR OPPAS' PRIVACY
6. OUR OPPAS REMAINS OUR OPPAS
Seriously, some fans are so weird especially those EXO sasaengs. SERIOUSLY?! Shouldn't you respect your oppas and not invade their privacy? Get some respect man! Too obsessed won't get you anywhere.
Well anyways, I hope more people will appreciate the 2nd W PROJECT!!
PS. it juz sux since BTS made a comeback on the same day :\ they even reached 5 million views haizzzz EVERYONE PLS LOVE WOOLLIM MORE!!! JEBAL!!!
The song genre is similar to INFINITE H since it's featuring BéE from Rphabet who has been with INFINITE for quite some time now. But nevertheless, the song is mindblowing!!!!!
Click the link below and be prepared to be WOW-ed :D
W PROJECT 장준, 영택 "가뭄 (Feat. BéE)"
Kinda sad that the Woollim boys are around my age or younger T^T #ohwell... at least got some older than me... 6 more oppas to fangirl over WOOTS!!!! Can't wait to see Daeyeol OMG!!! saw the replies to my comment [If W PROJECT is getting better and better, when DAeyeol's turn comes, it's explosion time !!!], people are saying they stan INFINITE but don't know Daeyeol and some even saying Daeyeol is their brother in law; kinda disturbing man...
GET THESE FACTS RIGHT PEOPLE:
1. OUR OPPAS REMAINS OUR OPPAS
2. WE DO NOT FIGHT WITH OTHER FANS OVER THEM COZ OUR OPPAS ARE NOT OUR POSSESSIONS
3. OUR OPPAS WILL ONE DAY DATE AND GET MARRIED WITH OTHER GIRLS BUT NOT THEIR FANS AND WE, AS FANS HAVE TO RESPECT THAT
4. WE DO NOT FANTASISE OUR OPPAS AS OUR OWN PARTNERS (OTHER THAN FANFICS LOL)
5. WE DO NOT INVADE OUR OPPAS' PRIVACY
6. OUR OPPAS REMAINS OUR OPPAS
Seriously, some fans are so weird especially those EXO sasaengs. SERIOUSLY?! Shouldn't you respect your oppas and not invade their privacy? Get some respect man! Too obsessed won't get you anywhere.
Well anyways, I hope more people will appreciate the 2nd W PROJECT!!
PS. it juz sux since BTS made a comeback on the same day :\ they even reached 5 million views haizzzz EVERYONE PLS LOVE WOOLLIM MORE!!! JEBAL!!!
Tuesday, 7 February 2017
Memory
Memory is something remembered from the past. It is therefore a precious thing. To contain a memory of someone or something from the past and be able to retain it is a gift. Some suffer from amnesia and therefore, do not get to enjoy the gift. Those who still has their memory intact though, some tend to use it to an advantage or sometimes not appreciating it.
I personally belong to the group that don't appreciate certain memories that I still retained in my mind. However, those that I want to remember are those that I forgot. Often, I wished my memory capacity wouldn't play such a joke on me. It's cruel to remember things I don't want to and forgetting those memories which are so valuable to me. Things that happened just five minutes ago, I can't seem to remember it well. Sometimes, I even forget those memorable experiences I had in the past. Today, an acquaintance from the past said hi to me but I failed to recognise instantly who he was. It was sad since I am now forgetting people I've met and interacted with.
Maybe this is karma since I always wished I had amnesia so I can forget all those painful memories. Nowadays, instead of burying them inside somewhere, they seemed to be popping out one by one. I even had a vivid nightmare about one of it. It was horrible since I was like practically experiencing it all over again.
If I were granted a wish to remember something in the past, I would want to remember all the good times I had with my muzk3t33rz (i forgot the stylized name and where my badge is, ohwell). Seriously, I was able to reminisce a lot about the past last time, but now, I can barely remember anything other than vague facts.
Sometimes I think having amnesia is a gift instead since one is granted the chance to create a new life. The past live isn't that important anymore in this case. People keep saying that the past doesn't matter since we are living in the present but it is hard to act that way. I keep thinking about the past and can't seem to move on even though I have the mindset to do so. It's depressing and at the same time it is causing me to crumble bit by bit. Being hung up by the past isn't something you want to experience. So, how does one move on? I thought it would be easier to just forget everything and bury them somewhere but it seemed to only be taunting me.
I think I need help but at the same time it's weird getting help from people, especially strangers. Why would strangers care about your baggage? It's just too much. I just thought (still think) that keeping everything inside me and tackling everything by myself is all that it takes. I shouldn't burden anyone, not last time, today or ever.
I personally belong to the group that don't appreciate certain memories that I still retained in my mind. However, those that I want to remember are those that I forgot. Often, I wished my memory capacity wouldn't play such a joke on me. It's cruel to remember things I don't want to and forgetting those memories which are so valuable to me. Things that happened just five minutes ago, I can't seem to remember it well. Sometimes, I even forget those memorable experiences I had in the past. Today, an acquaintance from the past said hi to me but I failed to recognise instantly who he was. It was sad since I am now forgetting people I've met and interacted with.
Maybe this is karma since I always wished I had amnesia so I can forget all those painful memories. Nowadays, instead of burying them inside somewhere, they seemed to be popping out one by one. I even had a vivid nightmare about one of it. It was horrible since I was like practically experiencing it all over again.
If I were granted a wish to remember something in the past, I would want to remember all the good times I had with my muzk3t33rz (i forgot the stylized name and where my badge is, ohwell). Seriously, I was able to reminisce a lot about the past last time, but now, I can barely remember anything other than vague facts.
Sometimes I think having amnesia is a gift instead since one is granted the chance to create a new life. The past live isn't that important anymore in this case. People keep saying that the past doesn't matter since we are living in the present but it is hard to act that way. I keep thinking about the past and can't seem to move on even though I have the mindset to do so. It's depressing and at the same time it is causing me to crumble bit by bit. Being hung up by the past isn't something you want to experience. So, how does one move on? I thought it would be easier to just forget everything and bury them somewhere but it seemed to only be taunting me.
I think I need help but at the same time it's weird getting help from people, especially strangers. Why would strangers care about your baggage? It's just too much. I just thought (still think) that keeping everything inside me and tackling everything by myself is all that it takes. I shouldn't burden anyone, not last time, today or ever.
Saturday, 4 February 2017
Depression
Depression is a state of unhappiness or despondency. When one feel emotions like hopelessness and despair, it might be depression.
It is said that depression tends to engulf one's life while in some cases, one might not even feel like anything has changed. The symptoms vary depending on the cases of the one experiencing it.
Some may experienced changes in weight, oversleeping or even loss of interest in daily activities.
Those who felt like nothing has changed, are those who are slowly falling into depression. This is especially if the person is introverted or are slowly distancing them everyone including their own family or their loved ones.
They will start to be alone and not really feel that they are actually alone when in reality, they are indeed alone. This is sad actually since the person is slowly going into oblivion.
In some cases, when the person is aware that they are alone, they feel distraught and this can become guilt which in turn becomes self-blame. Some even proceed to self-inflict and continue to live in their own world.
Slowly by slowly, they sink further into the black hole until one day someone is brave enough to pull the person out. This will only be possible if the person opens his/her heart.
So, will the day to finally come out of the hole finally come?
It is said that depression tends to engulf one's life while in some cases, one might not even feel like anything has changed. The symptoms vary depending on the cases of the one experiencing it.
Some may experienced changes in weight, oversleeping or even loss of interest in daily activities.
Those who felt like nothing has changed, are those who are slowly falling into depression. This is especially if the person is introverted or are slowly distancing them everyone including their own family or their loved ones.
They will start to be alone and not really feel that they are actually alone when in reality, they are indeed alone. This is sad actually since the person is slowly going into oblivion.
In some cases, when the person is aware that they are alone, they feel distraught and this can become guilt which in turn becomes self-blame. Some even proceed to self-inflict and continue to live in their own world.
Slowly by slowly, they sink further into the black hole until one day someone is brave enough to pull the person out. This will only be possible if the person opens his/her heart.
So, will the day to finally come out of the hole finally come?
Friday, 3 February 2017
SUCCESS
What is success? What do you define as success? How do you determine it's a success?
All these questions, it seems no one is completely sure whether they have the right answer or not. At one point, some may have their own answers but it can't be said to be correct. Not everyone agrees to a particular definition of success. It seems everyone has their own way of determining success.
This brings us back to the burning question - what is success? If you look in the dictionary, success is "the accomplishment of an aim or purpose". So, does that mean that success can be defined in one's way of defining it?
Many have a standard for the term "success". To them, success is bringing in money, earning profits and being one of the top few multi-billionaires. This makes one ponder whether success equals to money. Many tend to define that they are equal but are they really equal?
So, what is success actually?
All these questions, it seems no one is completely sure whether they have the right answer or not. At one point, some may have their own answers but it can't be said to be correct. Not everyone agrees to a particular definition of success. It seems everyone has their own way of determining success.
This brings us back to the burning question - what is success? If you look in the dictionary, success is "the accomplishment of an aim or purpose". So, does that mean that success can be defined in one's way of defining it?
Many have a standard for the term "success". To them, success is bringing in money, earning profits and being one of the top few multi-billionaires. This makes one ponder whether success equals to money. Many tend to define that they are equal but are they really equal?
So, what is success actually?
Saturday, 28 January 2017
TIRED
Ever felt so tired in your life? I know I did at some point in my life.
I can be doing something I like at the moment and I feel so lethargic that I am barely doing anything. It's like I'm staring into space or even stoning but in actuality, I'm just reflecting on myself.
It feels so depressing and everything just feels like a downer. I even feel weak to get up from my bed to actually have a decent bath. I just lay there as I looked up at the dusty ceilings and ponder on things. I can be looking at how round the lights in my room are and the next moment I stare at the white empty space and drift off to another world.
At times when I'm on the way to school, I look out the window and watch all the trees, buildings and people I left behind as the bus made its way to its destination. All I did is just stare at things and do nothing else. I can't really say I'm listening to music even if I'm plugged in since the music is just there to break the silence and nothing else.
On days when I was brought to another world, I was having an adventure that I would not forget. However, if you asked me what they were, I could not give any answers as I have forgotten everything. It seems like my subconscious mind is working when I'm actually conscious which means to say I am actually daydreaming for real. I always wonder how my subconscious mind works and how is it I can't seem to remember the dreams that I wished to remember. It's annoying actually, not being to do what you want.
School is such a drag, with homework piling up and exams coming up. I wished I was born smart so I don't have to waste time studying something so difficult. As much as I like school, I hate exams. It's tiring to study and when the results failed me, I just feel so tired and distraught.
It's funny how the feeling tired can branched out to many other feelings. It's similar to the term mixed feelings at the same time it differs since tired is like the core feeling involved. It's like tired causes certain feelings to come by and further destroys oneself. It's scary though if one takes tired too leisurely. The consequences may be dire.
My personal experience may differ to others and at this moment I wonder, what does tired actually means?
I can be doing something I like at the moment and I feel so lethargic that I am barely doing anything. It's like I'm staring into space or even stoning but in actuality, I'm just reflecting on myself.
It feels so depressing and everything just feels like a downer. I even feel weak to get up from my bed to actually have a decent bath. I just lay there as I looked up at the dusty ceilings and ponder on things. I can be looking at how round the lights in my room are and the next moment I stare at the white empty space and drift off to another world.
At times when I'm on the way to school, I look out the window and watch all the trees, buildings and people I left behind as the bus made its way to its destination. All I did is just stare at things and do nothing else. I can't really say I'm listening to music even if I'm plugged in since the music is just there to break the silence and nothing else.
On days when I was brought to another world, I was having an adventure that I would not forget. However, if you asked me what they were, I could not give any answers as I have forgotten everything. It seems like my subconscious mind is working when I'm actually conscious which means to say I am actually daydreaming for real. I always wonder how my subconscious mind works and how is it I can't seem to remember the dreams that I wished to remember. It's annoying actually, not being to do what you want.
School is such a drag, with homework piling up and exams coming up. I wished I was born smart so I don't have to waste time studying something so difficult. As much as I like school, I hate exams. It's tiring to study and when the results failed me, I just feel so tired and distraught.
It's funny how the feeling tired can branched out to many other feelings. It's similar to the term mixed feelings at the same time it differs since tired is like the core feeling involved. It's like tired causes certain feelings to come by and further destroys oneself. It's scary though if one takes tired too leisurely. The consequences may be dire.
My personal experience may differ to others and at this moment I wonder, what does tired actually means?
Tuesday, 24 January 2017
Lies & Liars
Lies are so easy to conjure especially when it becomes a habit. With a snap of the fingers, lies are told. Every second, someone is lying whether directly in the face or behind someone's back.
A habit turned into an addiction makes one a professional liar. A facade is put on the liar's face where only a few is able to see through. If you look closer, you will be able to see more, like the sudden movement in the eyelids, a hitch in the breath or even the sudden change of expression. It is said that a joyful person is actually a loner and in turn, a liar.
A mysterious person is seen as someone with so many things to hide. It is also assumed that they too are liars.
So, does this means everyone is a liar at some point of time?
A habit turned into an addiction makes one a professional liar. A facade is put on the liar's face where only a few is able to see through. If you look closer, you will be able to see more, like the sudden movement in the eyelids, a hitch in the breath or even the sudden change of expression. It is said that a joyful person is actually a loner and in turn, a liar.
A mysterious person is seen as someone with so many things to hide. It is also assumed that they too are liars.
So, does this means everyone is a liar at some point of time?
Thursday, 22 December 2016
Update
I keep having dreams of KPOP idols that are not my oppa. Maybe coz my sister always watches them beside me and it's kinda annoying since I sorta don't like them.
The weird thing was that my sis's bias was saving me from this evil guy and change my life for the better. I might have read too much on this genre LOL.
So I had a very bad headache sort of thing yesterday which caused me to wake up in the middle of the night twice. Usually I would never wake up when I'm sleeping as I'm a deep sleeper but yesterday was hell. The pain was mostly on my neck at the back of my head and it's very annoying. As I'm typing this, I'm still feeling the pain. ARGHHHHH Life just sucks.
And I realised I'm supposed to be at school today to do my project but I forgot so I decided to do a bit on my other projects at home.
Everyone I know is on overseas, even my family is going next week for 3 days. I'm not going as I don't really feel the hype of going.
I used to be jealous of people going to holidays once or twice a year and they even went cruising before. I feel like a total virgin since I never experienced a lot of things in life. It's aggravating to be living like this at times.
So recently there is 3 Kdramas hot on my list - Weighlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo, Goblin and Hwarang.
I've been catching up with Weighlifting Kim Bok Joo since the 2 main casts caught my eye in School 2015 and Cheese In The Trap respectively. Nam Joo Hyuk is one rising actor man! Lee Sung Kyung wasn't actually my fav person in Cheese In The Trap since she was evil to Kim Go Eun tsk. But she proved to be a very good actress. I caught a glimpse of her in Doctor and it's quite sad she isn't the lead actress coz she is good. Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo granted my wish and bonus, she didn't even have to show her pretty face to show off her charms!
Goblin caught my eye since Lee Dong Wook, Yook Sung Jae and Kim Go Eun is in it. Everyone is there to see Gong Yoo ever since he was so popular in Train to Busan well, me not really. The bromance between Gong Yoo and Lee Dong Wook is one of the most eye-catching scenes though! Especially when Lee Dong Wook bizarre actions takes part in the drama! This drama is worth the hype!
Hwarang is like another Scarlet Heart Ryeo since it is full of kkot nam ja. I'm basically there to see Park Seo Joon, Go Ara and Park Hyung Sik. A lot is chasing after BTS, V but me not so much. Episode 2 was super touching omg! Lee Kwang Soo cameo was simply memorable! I just hope this drama won't be a disappointment like Scarlet Heart...
The weird thing was that my sis's bias was saving me from this evil guy and change my life for the better. I might have read too much on this genre LOL.
So I had a very bad headache sort of thing yesterday which caused me to wake up in the middle of the night twice. Usually I would never wake up when I'm sleeping as I'm a deep sleeper but yesterday was hell. The pain was mostly on my neck at the back of my head and it's very annoying. As I'm typing this, I'm still feeling the pain. ARGHHHHH Life just sucks.
And I realised I'm supposed to be at school today to do my project but I forgot so I decided to do a bit on my other projects at home.
Everyone I know is on overseas, even my family is going next week for 3 days. I'm not going as I don't really feel the hype of going.
I used to be jealous of people going to holidays once or twice a year and they even went cruising before. I feel like a total virgin since I never experienced a lot of things in life. It's aggravating to be living like this at times.
So recently there is 3 Kdramas hot on my list - Weighlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo, Goblin and Hwarang.
I've been catching up with Weighlifting Kim Bok Joo since the 2 main casts caught my eye in School 2015 and Cheese In The Trap respectively. Nam Joo Hyuk is one rising actor man! Lee Sung Kyung wasn't actually my fav person in Cheese In The Trap since she was evil to Kim Go Eun tsk. But she proved to be a very good actress. I caught a glimpse of her in Doctor and it's quite sad she isn't the lead actress coz she is good. Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo granted my wish and bonus, she didn't even have to show her pretty face to show off her charms!
Goblin caught my eye since Lee Dong Wook, Yook Sung Jae and Kim Go Eun is in it. Everyone is there to see Gong Yoo ever since he was so popular in Train to Busan well, me not really. The bromance between Gong Yoo and Lee Dong Wook is one of the most eye-catching scenes though! Especially when Lee Dong Wook bizarre actions takes part in the drama! This drama is worth the hype!
Hwarang is like another Scarlet Heart Ryeo since it is full of kkot nam ja. I'm basically there to see Park Seo Joon, Go Ara and Park Hyung Sik. A lot is chasing after BTS, V but me not so much. Episode 2 was super touching omg! Lee Kwang Soo cameo was simply memorable! I just hope this drama won't be a disappointment like Scarlet Heart...
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